Dobby is a free elf.

Today Dobby will be trying third-person self-talk.
He will only use observed data, ignoring narratives and feelings.

This started as a light-hearted response to a question from my friend Adrian Sandy 🗝️:

“I wonder if it's possible to hard‑wire your brain to objectively evaluate yourself without becoming emotionally invested?”

I’m not sure what the research says, so I’ll opinionate on some options.

First, I suspect it’s impossible to evaluate oneself objectively in the strictest sense. But there are some verbal tricks I’ve used to make self‑evaluation more reality‑aligned and less biased.

1/ Change from the pronoun “I” to “one” – like the late Queen Elizabeth. It feels strange but immediately shifts one’s perspective.

2/ Then try Dobby’s third-person self‑talk. That offers one a slightly different shift. Neuroscientists have even shown that using your own name instead of “I” can dial down emotional reactivity, so one is clearly on solid ground here.

Will either of these stop one overrating one’s abilities, ethics, and future performance? Probably not.

Most of us think we are “above average”. And one has cognitive biases and a deep need to protect self‑esteem.

3/ Benchmark against specific standards. Response times, hit/miss on commitments, shipped vs promised – this gives one objective data. Of course, many people ignore the data if it doesn’t fit their existing schema.

4/ Seek structured outside views. 360 feedback using the same scales or questions, and looking for patterns rather than outliers, helps one see what others actually experience rather than what one intended.

Let’s face it though… the world is quite obviously flat… and most of the people offering feedback are idiots who don’t understand one’s intentions.

So, my last point. And this is the best one.

5/ Separate description from justification. First capture “what actually happened” in data and factual terms. Only then, in a second pass, explore motives and narratives. One may experience a shock. Doing this can reduce real‑time self‑spin… or create tailspin.

Dobby revisits his self‑views over time, and they do become more accurate when he repeatedly tests them and runs feedback loops, rather than relying on one‑off reflections.

Dobby is a free elf.